Sophie and Sian 30th August 2010
Sally: come on girls give us a song get us on the mood
Sophie: mum
Sian: it’s going to be weird performing in front of all those people, they never normally let us out in public
Kevin: well I’m going to take my earplugs just in case
Sally: do you know what if they’re as good as you they will be brilliant, you used to sing all the time when you were little. Tinky Winky, Dipsy, LaLa
Kevin and Sally: Po, teletubbies, teletubbies
Sally: come on join in
Sophie: I can not believe you’ve dragged us into this, talk about a stage mob
Sally: ah, you don’t want to go hiding your lights under a bushel do you,
listen to me Kevin, I’m getting all religious
Kevin: I’m not wearing this one, where’s my navy blue one?
Sally: navy blue says winter wedding to me, I bought that one special
Kevin: oh yeah and what’s this one a Libarce castoff
Sally: oh and look at the state of you, showing everything you’ve got and more if you had it
Rosie: yeah well if you’ve got it flaunt it
Sally: oh who’s that? Don’t all rush at once, I’ll get it
Rosie: well, I’ll tell you what mum I’ll go and see if Emily Bishops got a nice crimpley number I can borrow
Police Officer: hello, Mrs Webster?
Sally: yes
Police Officer: I’m DC Merrik and this is Elaine Lucas from Social Services, we need to talk to your daughter Sophie
Social Worker: do you mind if we come in?
Sally: Sophie this is for you
Police Officer: we need to talk to you about Aadi Alahans injuries
Kevin: why she hardly knows the lad
Social worker: she was babysitting him the night before he was injured
Sally: well, that’s the first I’ve heard of it
Sophie: we was mum um, but it was only for a little bit
Sally: well you never said
Sian: well I suppose you’ll be wanting to speak to me then aswell
Police Officer: and you must be Sian Powers?
Sally: what the two of you were there together were you?
Police Officer: problem?
Sally: no course not
Kevin: how is he?
Social worker: he’s out of the woods
Police officer: but we still need to find out exactly what caused his injury
Sally: hang on a minute are you saying someone hurt him deliberately?
Social worker: that’s what we are trying to establish
Sophie: you don’t think it was us do you?
Sally: that’s outrageous
Rosie: right I’m not being funny or anything but we’ve got a wedding to go to, you know bus to catch
Social worker: we won’t keep you much longer
Police officer: Mrs Peacock said you were there…
Sally: Claire Peacock
Police officer: for a few hours
Sally: I might have known what’s she been saying about my daughter
Police officer: I can assure you this is just routine
Sophie: look I know this is serious and everything but we do really need to go to this wedding
Sian: we can’t be late for the choir and we don’t want to let the bride and groom down so
Kevin: they have got a point we are a little bit pushed
Sophie: yeah so is it ok if we go
Police officer: that’s fine but we will need to speak to you again
Sally: you know what this is don’t you, this is a smoke screen, she’s pointing the finger at them so you don’t look to closely at her
Kevin: sal
Sally: ask her about her son Freddy, go on ask her
Police officer: we are aware of Mrs Peacocks medical history
Sally: what was she thinking anyway leaving a couple of teenagers with five kids
Social worker: we understand she had a family emergency
Rosie: Sophie and Sian are like total Christians, it’s against their code or whatever, to maime children
Police officer: right, er, I think that’s all for now, if they remember anything at all, please contact us
Social worker: we will see ourselves out
Sally: accusing a couple of teenagers about something like that, it’s outrageous, that Claire Peacock has got a hell of a lot to answer for
Sean: come on girls
John: there you go this is us
Roy: oh dear
Chesney: lighten up Roy, it will be a laugh
Roy: will you please just tell me where we’re going
John: that’s for us to know and for you to find out, ey, come back
Roy: I fear I may have left the deep fat fryer on
John: mr health and safety I don’t think so
Janice: ay, Roy, get your backside down here
Roy: I’m fine at the front thank you
Janice: do you want one of these cans down your neck, to calm your nerves
Roy: actually I have a tendency to motion sickness, I don’t think beer will help
Janice: ah, well stay where you are then, I don’t want you splattering my nice new frock
Sean: oi, we want this journey to be civilised Roy Cropper, no mooning
Anna: trust you to lower the tone
John: all right we are just waiting for a few stragglers and then we’ll be off
Rita: you know it’s been years since I’ve been on a charabanc
Emily: we should have bought some boiled sweets
Norris: I’ve got some barley sugars here but keep them to yourself or else they’ll all want one
Kirk: oh, cheers
Norris: stupid
Chesney: no sign of Katy?
Kirk: no mate, she must have stood you up
Claire: sorry the iron kept cutting out, couldn’t send Ashley out with a crinkly collar now could I
Sally: hey you, what the hell were you thinking sending the police around to our house?
Claire: I had no choice
Sally: pointing the finger at two innocent girls
Claire: I’m not actually accusing them
Kevin: lets just get on
Sally: I’m not finished with you yet
John: right er, two minutes till we set off, so if anyone needs a wee, please speak now or forever old it in
Rosie: bet you’re loving this aren’t you, nothing better than a captive audience, a fiver says he’ll try and teach us the whole works of Shakespeare while we’re stuck on this bus
John: nothing makes a bus ride more enjoyable than a good old sing song, um, ging gang goolie anyone
Sean: oh, I thought you’d never ask
Roy: I’ve had enough, I really must insist you tell me what’s going on
John: we’re nearly there
Chesney: no peeking now
Roy: ay, chance would be a fine thing wouldn’t it Roy
Rosie: typical I bet you don’t go anywhere without a blind fold and a pair of handcuffs ey
Anna: stop shuffling Roy we’ll be here all day at this rate
Roy: I have the alarming sensation I am about to walk off the edge of a cliff
John: ok Roy, right, on the count of three you can open your eyes, one two three
Everyone: Surprise!
Roy: Lancashire Fusilier, what a beauty
Sean: ey, marry her instead
Julie: Ah, don’t be daft, you’ll never find a dress big enough
Chesney: it’s going to take you to your wedding
John: Hayley’s in the back carriage with Fiz and Becky and you and Chez are riding shotgun
Roy: shotgun? As in on the footplate
Chesney: too right you’re going to be driving the train
Julie: oh this is wonderful, the age of steam was so romantic
Janice: oh not when your busting for the bog
Julie: how many of them have you had?
Anna: carry on like that and you’ll have your stomach pumped
Sean: oh fetch us a bucket and hosepipe and I’ll do it myself…hey hey hey, you have got a doppelganger
Janice: a what? Oh it sounds like something hanging out your nose
Sean: I was at Manchester pride, queuing for the porter loos and there she was your double, I swear she was the spit of you
Sophie: really
Sally: look at her like butter wouldn’t melt
Claire: oh she’s such a sour faced old cow that Sally Webster
(Carriage breaks out into song)
Emily: come on Norris join in
Norris: I’d rather stick pins in my eyes
Rita: I love a good sing song
Norris: do you mind turning down the volume a bit
Claire: Sophie, I can see that you’re worried but there’s no need, I haven’t told anyone, about you and Sian
Sophie: so you did see us?
Claire: don’t worry about it honestly
Sophie: Claire, I don’t know what I’m going to do if anyone ever finds out
Claire: please don’t worry, I won’t tell a soul
Sally: hey, is she hassling you?
Sophie: no mum
Sally: so what’s she said to upset you?
Sophie: nothing it’s fine
Kevin: lets all just sit down ey
Sally: you’re on the verge of tears
Sophie: mum it’s fine, it’s nothing
Sally: I don’t know what you’ve said but I’m telling you stay away from my daughter
Sally: when are they going to let us of, I can’t bear to spend another minute cooped up inside with her
Claire: grow up
Sally: ey, you started all this, whinging to the police
Claire: I have done nothing wrong and you know it
Sally: what happened that night, did Aadi try your patience, push his luck
Sophie: mum stop it
Sally: did you give him a little slap to teach him a lesson
Claire: I would never harm a child
Sally: ah, we all know that’s a lie don’t we
Sophie: dad tell her to stop now
Kevin: Sal, now is not the time
Sally: you know what I really pity your kids having you for a mother, they’ll be lucky if they live long enough to come of age…truth hurts doesn’t it
Claire: okay if you want the truth, anything could have happened whilst those two were in charge because they weren’t looking after the kids, they were snogging the face of each other
Sian: you’re lying you nasty cow
Ashley: oi,
Sian: well tell her
Sophie: well why would you say something like that?
Sally: I’ll tell you why, it’s obvious
Claire: because it’s true
Sally: because she’s guilty
Ashley: she knows what she saw
Claire: they were kissing
Sally: it’s childish and pathetic, just pluck the worst thing you can think of out of the air and throw it at Sophie because you’ve got something to hide
Sean: er, can I just stop you there Sally?
Kevin: Soph, Sophie?
Julie: I can think of a lot worst things to be called
Sean: yes thank you Julie
Claire: I don’t care what she is I only care what happened to Aadi
Sally: she should have stayed in the loony bin where she belongs
Kevin: Sal
Rita: oh dear
Norris: I mean Sophie a lesbian? Really I mean just just look at her
Sophie: Sian, Sian
Sian: my dad is going to find out
Sophie: I knew that she’d seen us
Sian: so what are we going to do Sophie?
Sally: don’t worry about Claire, everybody knows she gets mentally ill
Sophie: she’s just upset mum ok
Sally: you don’t need to be all christiany, she’s got no right to go mud slinging
Kevin: yeah well I’m sure mud slinging backs going to help either Sal
Sally: the police are on to her Kev, that’s what it is, you watch
Kevin: where’s Hayley’s carriage?
Julie: I think it’s romantic, teen love against the odds, Juliet and Juliet
Sean: each night I ask the stars up above
Sean and Juliet: why must I be a teenager in love
Sally: where’s Sophie?
Rosie: no Sian either, maybe they’ve eloped
Kevin: rosie
Sally: your sister is not a lesbian whatever Claire flaming Peacock says
Ashley: ignore them
Sian: they’re all talking about us
Sophie: yeah but
Sian: sophie!
Sophie: look Sian, we’ve got to go in there and you know why because if we don’t it’s going to look like we’ve actually done something wrong
Sian: well we’re just going to have to keep denying everything won’t we. We’re not going to be able to see each other as much
Sophie: and then they’ll think it was us that hurt Aadi
Sian: I suppose I could just go back to Southport
Sophie: don’t say that
Julie: Sophie the choirs in, come on, Hayley’s on her way, come on, come on Sophie…ah now listen if what Claire is saying is true
Sian: no, it was a lie
Julie: I was just going to say
Sian: well don’t
Claire: I just want to go home, it’s like no ones known me for the last four years, like none of that counts
Ashley: they’re idiots
Claire: you let them say that about me, call me mad, say I’d hurt a child
Sophie: Claire
Claire: when all I was trying to do was get to the truth, I saw you with Sian that night
Claire: no Claire look we never hurt Aadi though
Claire: yet you stood there and let them call me a liar, some Christian, shame on you, shame on you
Roy: Thank you and I believe it is my duty as groom to thank the bridesmaids, Fiz and Becky. I doubt with two bridesmaids have ever in the sweep of history put such supreme and imaginative effort into transporting the bride to her marriage. First I’d like to say you both look, er, well your looks, you still look
Fiz: like a couple of navvies
Becky: yeah we smell like a couple of navvies and all, ey, to stinky and blotchy
John: to stinky and blotchy
Everyone: to stinky and blotchy
Roy: it is 11 years since we last registered to be married and we were informed we could not, we have remained still and the world has turned to meet us. My message to you Hayley is this, the world can change it’s rules, it laws and it’s opinions as frequently as it chooses but I will remain standing beside you, that will not change
Hayley: can I say something? I know the bride doesn’t normally and I wasn’t going to but I had a little moment sat on that daft contraption with these two nearly bursting their lungs, um, I thought to myself, why did I make such a big fuss, we were happy before, is it really so important to do this whole legal thing, make a big song and dance? I’ve got so hung up on how to prove that we were, I don’t know like anybody else, just normal, I suppose. What Becky and Fiz did for me today and John and Chez and all of you ad when all of you just cheered now when er, they said we were husband and wife at last, I thought it’s not normal I feel today, it’s lucky and special and really spoiled so thank you thank you
Chesney: and if anyone is thinking of burglering the café one night, I’ll just one you, I have a picture here of Roy in his pyjamas, this isn’t photoshopped honest, Emily gave it to me
Emily: Roy in his pyjamas
Norris: oh look
Chesney: erm, Roy and Hayley, they’ve asked me to finish with a toast, to treasured friends
Everyone: to treasured friends
John: right I think it’s time for that right good song and dance that Hayley was on about, so if the happy couple would like to make there way to the dance floor please
Rosie: that’s like you innit the happy couple
Sian: shut up
Rosie: it’s a joke, better than Chesney’s anyway
Kat: oi gobby
Rosie: I beg your pardon
Kat: Chesney was great
Rosie: ah bless, anyway I love lesbians, the more the better, the less the competition
Becky: what’s it called then that contraption thingy
Fiz: pump wagon, Roy said
Becky: pump wagon? Is that his pet name for it
Fiz: ah
Becky: hey I might start calling Steve…
Fiz: yeah all right too much information Becky
Sophie: do we have to stop here?
Sally: Claire’s gone now
Kevin: right come on, I think we can sneak out
Rosie: but dad I’m staying
Sophie: good
Norris: Rita see look
Rita: Norris it’s Roy and Hayley’s day
Hayley: I love you Roy Cropper
Roy: yes and I hope it’s as evident that I love you too
Sally: why don’t you run Sian home Kevin?
Kevin: can’t you take her, you’ve not had a drink
Sally: I’m ready for one now
Sian: no it’s alright I’ll get the bus
Sally: no it’s alright love I’ll go get my car keys
Sophie: you’re not really going back to Southport are you?
Sian: don’t know
Sophie: are you this ashamed of us
Sally: right come on then
Sian: bye
Sophie: bye
Sally: oh, for heavens sake give her a hug, nobody here thinks you’re not normal
Sophie: I love you
Kevin: don’t let it get to you Soph
Sophie: I’m not
Kevin: I know your mum can be a bit over the top sometimes but listen if ought did happen that night, you can tell me you know
Sophie: you mean
Kevin: I mean you’re my little girl and I’ll stand by you, nothing will make me turn my back on you but sometimes stuff happens and if you don’t say anything straight away it just it gets harder and harder too, so if anything did happen to Aadi on your watch, I’d know it was an accident because I know you better than anyone
Sophie: do you?
Kevin: yeah I do, that’s what I said, if you want to tell me, was Aadi ok while he was with you
Sophie: yeah he was, how many more times
Sophie: dad, you know what you were saying before about how you know me, you don’t
Kevin: so something did happen that night?
Sophie: no not with Aadi
Kevin: ey
Sophie: people just shouldn’t think bad of Claire, you know it’s been so stressful
Kevin: she shouldn’t hit out, telling lies
Sophie: she didn’t, I’m so sorry
Kevin: sorry?
Sophie: now please don’t hate me dad
Kevin: tell me what it is sweetheart, if you don’t tell me, I can’t help
Sophie: me and Sian, what Claire said, it’s true, we’re together
